My Scale Tipper
I have been having a love/hate relationship with weight scales of late.
- I went on a massive project of Self-Control to work on my middle-age spread
- Some days I cheered
- Some days I clearly had more work to do
- My dad had open heart surgery and needed to weigh himself daily (to heed any water gain issues)
- I was doing so good with the Self-Control that I became a little Gluttonous and need to become friendly with the weight project again.
But the main scale I have been struggling with is that of my family. Out of the five boys, I can no longer say that I still have more home than gone - reluctantly moving the lego piece from one side of the balance scale to the other. The lightness of the "home" side has dwindled major stuff such as the dining room table and prayer days. We had to remove all the leafs in the table and the place looks creepy and those of us at home stop short when we realize it's Wednesday and have to share yet another day amongst us for prayer.
I have a [mental] note about my children going away to study: It is much easier to watch them drive away rather than leave them alone in an unfamiliar setting that is to become their new home. This mother simply cannot bear that burden of seeing her beautiful boy standing with excitement in his smile and cold apprehension in his eyes and a hug mingled with an aura of homesickness. Thank God for fathers in this kind of scenario or this mother would never leave.
Twenty One Pilots has an excellent song regarding this new era in a persons life; A Car A Torch A Death will forever remain one of my very favorite songs and guaranteed to make me cry. [If you've never heard it, here you go].
This child, who has perfected what we call the Death Stare makes me joyful in ways I could never explain. I think his absence has taken his younger brothers by surprise as well; they were not expecting to miss him until the night that Basil said to me "mom, it's lonely without him. No one else gets mad the way he can, it's very entertaining to pick on him. I have no reason to move the toothbrush anymore". I expect we each will have such moments.
I am so proud of this kid and am amazed at how wonderful it is to see him blossom into that which God created him to be - but like my Holy Mother, my heart has some permanent holes in it. Like her, I pray to place beautiful flowers in those holes to blossom for the Kingdom and in service to Him, no matter what each boy discerns.