"Were you wanting to go to Confession?"
I mentioned my experience on my walk the other day, which was an incredible joy to hear, see, and smell the glory of God; yet all of that also serves to get the heart pondering God – which, I believe, is part of the Gift of Nature
So, of course, after I had determined myself to recollect which poem I had on my mind (for the record, I had the author and beginning line totally wrong) I started to beatfeet it back to the house so I could look it up.
And write something with it.
And probably have a glass of wine to cap my fabulous experience.
All Legitimate Goods. There is absolutely not one thing wrong with any of those, except for me, there seemed to be and I couldn’t put my finger on it. As I approached the house, I just knew that I was meant to keep on walking. I needed to practice some discipline, something I alluded to when I referred to my “daily walk” as my “(pseudo) daily walk”: I needed some good old-fashioned mental discipline so that I could be stronger in both my intellect and body.
I was supposed to continue walking the entire length I set out to walk when I began. So the wheel was set in motion: the struggle and my clear-eyed vision of how the Devil gets me most of the time. He tempts me with legitimate goods that distract me from honing myself into a disciplined warrior for Christ.
For quite a chunk of the walk did I wrestle with the notion of continuing (what I knew I was meant to do) or stopping midway to feed my ego (writing about my grand experiences) and body (wine). Again, writing and having a glass of wine are nothing bad; but they weren’t what I was being called to do.
So, even though my body slowed (I seriously had to make a determined commitment to keep one foot in front of the other) I got past my driveway and breathed a sigh of relief. I did it! And then, I saw it: a snake slithered off across my path. (Seriously, guys. I can’t make this stuff up) and I knew that my temptations were real. I honestly don’t know how that makes a difference in the kingdom, my following through, but my prayers were freer that prior to then and I had much more time to continue to pray for my loved ones and family.
Fast forward to that evening when we were out to a 4th Degree Knights family potluck. As the Ladies were visiting, full from a delicious feast of garden abundances, the men had their meeting and a few children were wandering here and there. Suddenly, chant was heard and I decided I wanted to discover the source since it sounded so inviting. I looked here and there, wandered in and out of doorways of which one was the Chapel. No chant, so I quietly exited.
No sooner did I sit back down at my table (never discovering the source) did I realized I probably shouldn’t have peeked in the Chapel without saying a little hello to the One who willingly rests in a humble box for love of me, so I went back in the say hi to my Love.
As I was kneeling and praying, I noticed that the Priest was inside. After a few minutes, he made a beeline for me. Of course, I got instantly nervous because why else would an unfamiliar priest walk right up to someone on their knees praying?
I look up. “Hi Father”
“Hi. Were you wanting to go to Confession?”
“Uh…….Well I wasn’t.” …. … … “but now that you said something I guess I am”
“Ok, great! Just give me a minute and I’ll be right in there” pointing to the confessional.
So right here we need to stop the story and let me explain a little further: I had been having on my heart the need and desire to go to Confession for about 2 weeks. I was overdue (by about 4 weeks) and really had some things I wanted to get off my soul. My crazy schedule wasn’t allowing me to get to a good confessor without a huge time commitment but I was getting close to have to do so anyway. This sudden and unexpected invitation was as close as I was going to get to a personal invite from Jesus Himself. In fact, I am certain it was. It was my good gift for being so disciplined earlier: the reward of a cleansed soul. The nervous laughter came from my complete and utter disbelief that the verbal exchange was truly happening.
I love my Lord with all my being. Sometimes, that love has to be shown in the extra mile I know I am supposed to travel and do away with the temporal and concern for my desires or simple pleasure. Sure, I could have written my post about the October sky, but then I wouldn’t have had this one nor would I have had my current fresh-baby soul and that makes all the difference in a life of Joyful Abundance which experiences God's great Love and Mercy.